A Letter from the Bedroom
by Shadow Jaganshi
Summary: Shadow is locked in her bedroom from the outside, but there's no lock on the outside. This story also involves Youko singing opera, a metal baseball bat, and a news crew.


**A LETTER FROM THE BEDROOM**

_Dear Hiei,_

_Hi. I know i haven't seen you in ages. It's not my fault. It seems I somehow got locked in my room. From the outside. So now, I'm stuck in here. Holy God. And I can't get out. If you ever get this, would you mind helping me? there's a key in my dresser drawer. Wait. That's the key to your room. Oops. Scratch that entire last two sentences from the question mark up to 'oops.' Thank you._

_Anyway, I've been in here since last time I saw Youko. I ticked him off real bad and he chased me up here. So, I'm stuck here, since I guess he locked the door. Well what did you expect me to do?! That stupid fox won't leave me alone! He's constantly staring at me and trying to seduce me and touch me and kiss me and it's REALLY ANNOYING. When you get me out of here, I'm gonna kick his ass so bad, he'll wish he'd never met me._

_Up until recently, I never considered the possibility of being locked in my own room. I don't have any provisions in here. Woo. That's a big word. Pro-vi-junz... Oh. Um. Anyway, so, if you never get this letter, and I die in my own bedroom, I want you to know that I leave this house and everything in it to you. Of course, you probably assumed that anyway, and if I hadn't said that, you would have taken it anyway. Just, beware of the woggly-fish in the third floor of the basement, and the trio of singing shoes in the second floor bathroom. They'll leave you alone if you don't provoke them. On second thought, just stay out of there._

_If you find my dead body, just feed it to the weasels. Or bury it. Or you could prop it up and talk to it, then go out and murder people and blame it on your dead girlfriend, like in that Psycho movie. Yeah. You could turn the house into a hotel, and kill all the visitors and blame it on the dead corpse in the second floor bedroom. Yeah. Dress up like me... That's not hard, being as i dress like you and so you'd just have to wear a wig. You could cut all my hair off, have Kurama preserve it and make it a wig, wear like... a skin cap to make your stupid anti-grav hair stay down, then wear my hair, and voila! You're me. 'Cept, in that movie, wasn't it his dead mother? _

_Anyway, since I'm hoping you'll get this letter and get me out, I'm not about to reveal any deep dark secrets. Oh, screw it. I love you._

_No, I'm kidding. Seriously. Yeah, don't get your hopes up. I'm probably already dead by the time you're reading this, so you know, finding out that I love you (which I don't) when I'm dead wouldn't do you much good._

_Sigh. I feel so deeply the sorrow which... Um... I don't know. I don't really feel sorrow right now. I kinda just feel really hungry. I haven't eaten since I got locked in here. Sob. I wonder if I'll resort to eating my own left arm if I get hungry enough. That'd be kinda gross. I think I might rather starve to death. I'll eat my bed._

_Oh, if I'm dead, I hope you take good care of my sacred reclining chair. Maybe you could take it up to my room and set me in it._

_And don't forget the weasels._

_And the fish. I just got some new ones, you know. That little blue one is named after you. I don't care what you say about it, it's named after you. Hiei the blue fishy-wishy. ^_^ Kawaii!! Shut up._

_Just for the record, it's 9:30 PM on February 6th, 2004. Hopefully you'll find this by midnight... because if you don't... I'll be dead. Yeah. #1, no food. #2, no bathroom. #3, nobody to talk to. #4... NO FOOD! It's gotta be the end of the world! I haven't eaten in... Gasp. I don't remember the last time I ate. Of course, you know, I have a bad, bad, bad memory. Just about the only things I can remember are... your name... and... your underwear size... and... and... and... Eclipse's name. What is Eclipse's name? I guess I don't remember. Let's see. I remember... Kurama. And Yusuke. I wish I didn't remember Kuwabara, but I guess I have to suffer a little bit before I die, you know? Um... I remember... Food! Oh... I could go for a nice 2-pound hamburger (made of real BEEF, none of that McDonald's crap) and a 3-liter of orange soda-pop. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Ow. Thinking about it makes me hungrier. I feel sick I'm so hungry. I have a headache. I think I'm naueseous. That's not how you spell it, but paper and pen don't have spell check. _

_So... How are you? Well, unless you want to tell my dead body, I suppose you really can't answer, since by the time you read this, I'll be dead. Starved to death. Died of lonelyness. That's not how you spell that one either, but you know, like I said. No spell check. And what do you expect from a genius like me? You really expect a person with a 130 IQ to know how to spell words like nauseous and loneliness? Anyway, I think I'll wrap this up, since the longer I write the less chance there is of me surviving until you save me, Hiei. Hopefully, I'll see you soon._

_                                                                                                          Yours truly,_

_                                                                                                                   Shadow Jaganshi_

Shadow sighed, folded the letter and stuck it in an envelope addressed to Hiei, then slid it under the door into the hall. She went and curled up on her bed, soon falling asleep.

Youko Kurama looked down from his place against Shadow's door, where he'd been for the past fifteen minutes since he'd chased her in there. A letter addressed to Hiei popped out from under Shadow's door. Hmm... 

"Let's see. Be honest with my best friend and never read the letter, or read it first, then give it to him?" Youko muttered. "Easy choice." He picked up the envelope and opened it. Luckily it hadn't been sealed, so he wasn't going to have to pull any little seal-it-up-like-new tricks. It took him about two minutes to read the entire letter. He stared at it. Downstairs, he heard the phone ring. He ignored it when he heard Hiei dart down the stairs. He took a couple minutes to read the letter again. He caught Hiei on his way back up the stairs.

"Hiei, this is for you. From Shadow," he said, handing his friend the envelope. Hiei took the letter, confused, and started reading it. Youko watched the little demon's expression as he read through. At one point, Hiei's eyes widened considerably. Youko supposed he'd reached the 'underwear size' comment.

"Um... Where did you get this?" Hiei asked.

"It was on the floor outside her door."

Hiei stared down the hall at Shadow's bedroom door. "The doors in this house don't lock from the outside," he said.

"I know."

Hiei walked down the hall and knocked on Shadow's door. After waiting a few seconds, he knocked again. This time, the door opened. Shadow stood there looking tired. Hiei held up the letter.

"How the hell do you know my underwear size?!"

"What?"

"... You're locked in your room?" Hiei asked, just then realizing Shadow had just opened her bedroom door when she was supposedly 'locked in from the outside.'

"Yeah," Shadow answered.

"... Eclipse called."

"She did?! What'd you tell her?!"

"I told her you were in your bedroom. Then I hung up."

"You did what?!" Shadow took off down the hall. Hiei and Youko stood side by side, wearing identical dumbfounded expressions and sporting about 5 sweat drops, staring after her. They heard her call Eclipse back and say, "Hi! I'm locked in my room."

"..................... O_O What has she been smoking?!" Youko asked. Hiei shrugged.

"Probably caffeine. Um... I wonder how long it'll take her to realize she's not in her room anymore."

"I bet you twenty bucks she won't realize it until somebody tells her," Youko challenged.

"You're on. _If_ you don't mention it. If she hasn't realized it by tomorrow, we'll tell her," Hiei said, accepting his bet.

"How will we know if she knows? What if she decides not to mention it?"

"Oh, we'll know. If you see me sliding across the floor with a screaming Shadow hugging me, you'll know she knows."

Just then, Shadow came up the stairs with the portable phone and a ham sandwich, talking to Eclipse about green penguins. She walked right past Youko and Hiei and into her bedroom while the two demons watched her, completely dumbfounded. 

Hiei blinked. He looked at the letter. 

"She has a key to my bedroom?! She knows my underwear size? What the hell does that girl do when I'm not around?!"

"That's what I'd like to know," Youko muttered.

"Hang on, watch this," Hiei said. "I'll bet she doesn't even notice me."

"What are you going to do and what are you going to bet?" Youko asked.

"If she doesn't notice me, you have to stand on the roof and sing an opera," Hiei said.

"And if she does notice?"

"I have to do something. Nothing involving little kids, old people, busy streets, or nudity," Hiei said. "If it has nothing to do with that, then the bet is on. So?"

"Hm... If she notices you, you have to... Sit in a room alone with Kuwabara for three hours. Tied to a chair," Youko said.

"Me tied to a chair or baka-supremo tied to a chair?"

"You."

"Damn. Well, I'll accept that," Hiei said, 98% sure Shadow wouldn't notice him in her current state. He opened her bedroom door, strolled over to her dresser, and started searching her drawers while Youko stood in the doorway watching, and Shadow sat on her bed talking to Eclipse through a mouthful of ham sandwich, completely oblivious. After a couple minutes of completely wrecking Shadow's dresser drawers and strewing their contents all over the place, Hiei walked back to Youko victoriously.

"I have the key, and I know her underwear and bra size too."

"_Hiei!_ I never thought you had it in you," Youko said. Hiei looked at him sideways. 

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean, I thought if either of us two would go searching for clothing sizes, it'd be me. Not you. So... What size is it?" Youko asked. Hiei smirked.

"You'll have to find out on your own. Oh, I won that bet by the way. You have to stand on the roof and sing an entire opera. Later. Tomorrow. After we find out the outcome of her finding out she's not locked in her room anymore," Hiei said.

"Let's up the stakes," Youko said slyly.

"... What have you got in mind?" Hiei asked.

"Well, if I win, and she doesn't realize it until somebody tells her, in addition to giving me twenty bucks, then you still have to sit chained in a chair in a sealed room alone with Kuwabara for three hours. And if you win, I give you twenty dollars and I'll... hm..."

"I'll lock you in the bathroom with that trio of singing shoes or whatever," Hiei said. "Wait a second." He walked down the hall to the bathroom and opened the door. Instantly, there was a loud explosion of noise that practically knocked Hiei over backwards.

"RUBBER DUCKY, YOU'RE THE ONE! YOU MAKE BATH TIME, SO MUCH FUN!"

Youko slammed his hands over his ears.

"GOD NO! THAT'S PURE TORTURE!" he screamed. "SHUT THE DOOR!"

Hiei obeyed. "Then... What can we do?"

"Um... We'll think of something later," Youko said.

"Well... We'll have to camp outside her door to find out whether or not she realizes anything about her 'locked' door," Hiei said. "It's almost ten o' clock, anyway." He curled up nearby and fell asleep shortly, as did Youko.

The next morning, the two 'campers' were woke up by the doorbell. Before they could even sit up, whoever it was at the door started pushing the button every two seconds. Angry, Hiei shot down the stairs, tore open the door, and got ready to scream at a door-to-door salesman. But it wasn't a door-to-door salesman.

"Eclipse?!"

"Where's Shadow?"

"Did she tell you? She's locked in her room."

"I'm curious. How could she call me if she was locked in her room? There isn't a phone in there," Eclipse said. Hiei nodded.

"I know. Obviously, she doesn't," he answered. Just then, Youko walked around the corner yawning.

"Youko Kurama. Hm. No wonder she thinks she's locked in her room," Eclipse said.

"Whatever," Youko said. "I'm gonna go up and check on Shadow."

"What? Whoa, now what is your definition of check? I think I know your definition!" Eclipse yelled, running after the fox. She caught up to him at Shadow's door.

"What? I'm not gonna _do_ anything to her," Youko said. "How can I? She's 'locked' in her room."

Eclipse rolled her eyes and pushed the fox out of the way. She knocked on the door. Getting no response, she started shouting.

"SHADOW JAGANSHI, GET YER LIL' HINEY OUT OF BED, YOU LAZY PRUNE!"

"Prune...?" Youko muttered.

A second later, the door opened, just as Hiei joined the two standing outside the door.

"Hi Eclipse! How'd you get here?" Shadow asked.

"I rode my bike. Like I usually do..." Eclipse said, realizing that yes, Shadow _was_ acting stranger than usual.

"Guess what?"

"What?"

"I can't get out of my room. The door is locked," Shadow said.

"Shadow?"

"What?"

"The door is _open_," Eclipse said.

"No it's not. Look!" Shadow said, miming like the door was closed. "It's closed, and I'm locked in."

"Shadow?"

"What?"

"NO YOU AREN'T! BAKA!"

"I'm not?"

"No!"

"Yes I am! Look! I can't walk out of my room!" Shadow said. She took a few steps forward and slammed into an invisible door.

"Look, you're a good mime and a complete idiot, but YOU'RE NOT LOCKED IN YOUR ROOM, FOR THE LAST TIME, YOU IDIOT!"

"But..."

Rolling her eyes, Eclipse grabbed her friend's wrist and pulled her into the hallway.

"Oh my God... How'd you do that?" Shadow asked. Eclipse started fuming. The vein in her temple popped out of her head. She tensed up her muscles and slapped Shadow across the face so hard she was sent sliding down the hallway.

"**EARTH TO SHADOW, YOU BAKA!!! YOU NEED TO STOP SMOKING!**"

"Smoking?" Youko asked, looking at Hiei.

"I don't know," Hiei said. He looked to Eclipse. "She smokes?"

"No."

"... Um... Okay... ???????" Hiei answered, confused so bad he felt like his IQ was quickly melting down to Kuwabara's level.

Finally, Shadow got herself picked up. She looked around. 

"Hey! I'm out of my room! Hiei saved me!!!" she squealed. Before Hiei could do anything about it, he was tackled and being hugged to death, and going deaf due to Shadow's screamed thanks.

"Get her off me," Hiei gasped, looking at Youko desperately. The fox leaned down and tapped Shadow on the shoulder. She looked at him out of the corner of her eye and screeched so high-pitched only dogs could hear it (that includes Youko, who slammed his hands over his ears in pain).

"It's Youko Kurama! Isn't he dead?" Shadow asked.

"**REHAB TIME!**" Eclipse screamed. She grabbed Shadow and beat her over the head with a metal baseball bat until it was dented (the bat, not her head. You can't dent Shadow's head. It's made of titanium).

"Owie," Shadow muttered. She passed out.

"She'll be fine in a few minutes... or hours... maybe not for a few days," Eclipse said dismissively, shrugging. She walked past the two stunned demons, and, dragging the baseball bat, she went down the stairs, making a lot of noise on the way down.

Hiei dragged Shadow downstairs and put her on the couch. Then he turned to Youko.

"You still have to sing an opera on the roof, you know," he said, grinning evilly. Youko sighed.

"Must I?"

"You gamble, you lose. Pay up," Hiei said, pushing Youko back up the stairs, all the way up to the fourth floor, where a door opened out onto a windowsill wide enough to stand on, from which you could easily jump to the roof.

"I don't know any operas," Youko said. Hiei pushed him up onto the roof.

"Just make up something as you go along, but sing it in another language, and sing it in an opera voice," he said evilly.

"I don't know any other languages!"

"WELL LEARN!"

"You can't make me!"

"You agreed to this, fox-boy, I'm not letting you get out of it that easily. I'll be right back. If you aren't standing there when I get back, I'll murder you," Hiei said. He vanished back in the window. Youko waited with his arms crossed. A second later, Hiei appeared with a stereo, and some sheets of lyrics.

"That's one good thing about Shadow's Great Conglomeration of Pointlessness. She has about everything in there you would probably never need," Hiei said, handing Youko the sheets. He hit play on the stereo. "Start singing."

Hiei set one of the speakers on the windowsill, turned the volume all the way up, pulled the other speaker onto the windowsill, and stood a few feet away, laughing as Youko glared at him. Then, the song started, and Youko started singing, and Hiei laughed so hard he cried. But really, the fox didn't have that bad of a voice...

Barely two minutes into the opera, nobody noticed a news van drive by, turn around, come back, park, pull out all their equipment, and start a live broadcast.

About halfway through the two-hour opera (poor Youko's gonna lose his voice), Shadow exploded out another window, wearing a cheese hat. She scrambled up onto the roof and joined in singing. Hiei looked startled. Then he laughed even harder, because seeing a tall silver-haired man with fox features and a short girl wearing black and a cheese-wedge hat, standing on a four-story-high roof singing opera is something you would never even hope to see in your life. But here he was, seeing it.

A minute later, the front door opened and Eclipse walked out, dragging the dented baseball bat. She looked up at the roof thoughtfully, then walked back inside. A second later, she came out holding a ladder. She propped it up, climbed up to a windowsill, hung on, then pulled up the ladder, propping it against the house carefully and climbing. Finally, she arrived on the roof. She stomped over to Shadow and Youko, standing side by side singing their lungs out, grabbed the cheese-wedge off Shadow's head and beat her with the baseball bat again. Hiei laughed so hard he lost balance and fell off the roof. Shadow passed out and fell off the roof, landing on top of Hiei, knocking him unconscious.

Youko was completely unaffected by this and continued singing, as he knew that if he stopped, Hiei would make him start over again.

Eventually, Youko finished his song. He was out of breath, his mouth was dry, and he probably wouldn't be able to talk for several weeks. Hiei and Shadow applauded him.

"That was good! Even though I think opera is annoying!" Shadow said, hugging him. "You should give up stealing and take up a career in SINGING!"

Youko's eyes widened. "No thanks." Yup. He'd been right. His voice was raspy.

"I'm surprised you actually did it," Hiei said. 

"Yeah, right. Now, didn't we have a bet about Shadow?" the fox answered.

"Oh. Well that's nothing too bad," Hiei said. "Since we never finished the terms for the addition, all I owe you is twenty bucks." He handed the fox a twenty dollar bill and grinned evilly.

"Great," Youko muttered, pocketing the money. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Dr. Pepper. In thirty seconds, the entire bottle was gone.

"Geez," Shadow muttered as the fox let out a monster belch. "Such manners." She sat down and turned on the TV.

"Anything on?" Hiei asked as she started channel surfing. Shadow stopped on the news channel, surprised at what she saw.

"In recent events, we just received this video tape," the news lady said. The screen turned black, and a second later, an image of Shadow's roof appeared, with Youko standing there singing. The group stared.

"Oh my God," Youko muttered. "Hiei, this is your fault. You are SO DEAD!"

"Eep!"

Youko grabbed Eclipse's mangled baseball bat and started chasing Hiei. They shot out the door and stopped dead, because the news van was still there. With a grin, Youko and Hiei exchanged glances and walked towards it, taking their time, giving the news crew plenty of time to be scared. Hiei had his katana over his shoulder, Youko had the mangled baseball bat over his shoulder. They stopped on the sidewalk. One guy noticed them.

"Hey! You're the guy who was singing! Nice costume, by the way," the man said. "You really look like a fox. How'd you do it?"

Youko swished his tail and flicked his ears. "They're real," he said shortly.

"What? Can I touch them?"

"No."

"Hey! And there's those two pretty girls!" another guy yelled. Hiei and Youko looked behind them. Shadow and Eclipse were standing on the porch. They waved and smiled sweetly.

"They your girls?" the guy asked. Hiei and Youko were growing angrier by the second. Shadow and Eclipse realized this, and, not wanting to miss out on the action, ran across the yard and skidded to a stop on either side of the two demons.

"Hi news cast people!" Shadow chirped. Hiei kicked her. "Ow!"

"_Why_ did you record that?" Youko asked. "You've got to be pretty desperate for stories."

"What? We're the best news channel around!" one guy protested.

"Well, because of that little mistake, you're about to be the best news channel lying in pieces on the sidewalk outside my house," Shadow said, smiling. The news guys looked surprised. A few seconds later, Hiei screwed with their minds to make sure all of them got out of the van, then he blew it up and let Youko mangle the people with the baseball bat. Eclipse and Shadow stood there watching with evil, evil smiles of satisfaction.

"Well, overall, I'd say the first three hours of my day have gone pretty well," Hiei said, smiling. 

"Yes," the girls agreed. Youko was still mangling news cast, so they took it his day had improved since a few minutes ago when he'd been singing opera on the roof.

Owari.

I know, this story was like... pointless. I wrote the entire thing at my best friend's house, posted it from her computer... Everything. That's what you get. ^_^ Sayonara. Oh, and any spelling errors in the letter are on purpose.


End file.
